


and I can list all the reasons I don't love you

by foxerica (ericaismeg)



Series: Poppy Day in... [4]
Category: Poppy Day - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 22:58:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10649817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ericaismeg/pseuds/foxerica
Summary: "You're still here."





	and I can list all the reasons I don't love you

**_and I can list all the reasons I don’t love you_ **

 

Poppy doesn’t want to put her dress from the night before on, so she grabs one of the tossed plaid shirts and tugs it on. She picks up a pair of boxers and smiles. Of _course,_  there’s a pair of boxers on the ground. Poppy glances at the lump in the bed before she walks quietly down the hall. She snoops around the unfamiliar kitchen, locating a glass, and goes to the fridge with hopes of finding something cold to drink. She pulls out the orange juice - no pulp, _dammit_  - and pours herself a glass.

She’s mid-sip when Ellie comes around the corner and looks at her, eyes wide. “You’re still here.”

“Yeah, well,” Poppy says, shrugging. She’s not sure what to say to that. Sleeping with your boss isn’t necessarily the _best_  idea, especially not when you’re in love with said boss. But they’d gone out with coworkers for drinks and had gotten completely plastered. They’d opted to share a cab, but as it turned out, Poppy never made the second trip home. She looks down at her glass and murmurs, “I just needed some sense of normalcy.”

“Your addiction to juice is kind of gross,” Ellie comments. It’s too early for their usual banter. She nods, accepting this as a reason. Her eyes quickly drop down to Poppy’s outfit and shoot back to meet her eyes. “We spilled beer all over your leggings, didn’t we?”

“Yeah. I didn’t exactly want to put them back on…” Poppy lets her words trail, because Ellie is walking away. She hears her make her way down the hall, and Poppy wonders if she should follow. This is completely new to her. Hell, she’d never done a one-night stand before. She’s not even sure that that’s what _this_  was. But maybe it was, and maybe she broke the first rule by sticking around.

Poppy follows Ellie to the bedroom. Ellie’s sitting down on the side of it, staring at her hands. Poppy brushes a piece of her hair from her face; she had pulled her hair back into a messy pony tail and left too many strands down. Poppy looks at Ellie, who doesn’t seem to notice that she has company.

She takes a seat at the foot of the bed; her back towards Ellie. Maybe that will make this easier. She doesn’t know.

“So I guess this was a huge mistake, huh?” Poppy asks.

Ellie snorts. “You could say that. Fuck, Poppy, I–I’m so sorry. I’m your boss. I shouldn’t have let this happen. I’m old enough to–”

“Hey now! I may be six years younger than you, but that does _not_  mean that this isn’t equally my fault, Ellie.” Poppy’s always been quick to interrupt, but she’d never really done that with Ellie before. She’d never had to; Ellie and Poppy had always felt on equal terms, equal grounds. It’d never occurred to her that Ellie feels like she’d taken advantage of her ‘authority’ - it had never occurred to her that Ellie would bring this all on herself.

“I–but _I_  shouldn’t have–”

“ _We_  shouldn’t have,” Poppy corrects instantly. “We shouldn’t have, but we did. So now what?”

Ellie scoffs; clearly not having an answer for this.

Poppy takes a sip of her orange juice before she says, “Okay. Full Honesty.”

 _Full Honesty_  is a game they played sometimes. It’d started at work when they’d been left alone in the office together on a rainy afternoon, had become their game when they were alone in the car driving to the construction sites, and had gotten dangerous when they were drinking. The rules are simple. Full Honesty. No hold-backs. If someone didn’t want to answer something, all they have to say is,  _“Pass.”_

“Yeah,” is the only thing Ellie manages to say.

She thinks it over for a moment, and then decides that this is the time she needs to be brave. This is the only opportunity she’ll ever get. Poppy takes a deep breath, stares down at her orange juice, and asks, “Are you in love with me?”

There’s a heavy pause. She knows Ellie’s thinking her question over. Ellie was very careful. She never says anything she doesn’t mean. Sometimes that means that their conversations fall silent for ten minutes while she thinks about something; this time is not the case. “No.”

Poppy closes her eyes. Fuck, she’d known that for the last two years, but _boy,_  did it ever sting to actually hear it said aloud. She says, “Are you in-like with me?”

“In-like? Like do I have a crush?”

“Yeah.”

“No,” Ellie says. There’s enough conviction in her tone that makes Poppy’s heart break a little.

“Could you ever see yourself having feelings for me?” Poppy finally asks.

“No.”

Poppy nods. She’s glad she’s not looking at Ellie right now. She doesn’t want her to see the heartbreak written all over her face. She gently wipes away the hot tears burning down her cheeks with one hand, leaning back on the other. Ellie rests her hand lightly on Poppy’s.

“Do you–are you–are you in love with me?” Ellie whispers, her voice shaking.

“Oh yeah,” Poppy says, letting out a little laugh of disbelief. “So very stupid in love with you. I’m the reason last night even happened and I just–I’m so sorry.”

“You’re–you are?” Ellie asks, sounding surprised.

Poppy’s bobbing her head up and down when she shifts on the bed so she’s sitting beside Ellie, facing her. She’s wiping her eyes with her free hand and squeezing Ellie’s hand with the other. “I’m so stupid in love with you. How did you not see that?”

“I just–I thought we were good friends.”

“We _are._  We’re also great coworkers. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m stupid in love with you. Stupid. I can’t think straight around you.”

Ellie snorts, but Poppy can see the emotion in her eyes. “How long have you waited to say that to me?”

“Longer than you think.”

It makes her pause. Ellie’s lips part, and it takes her a moment before she says, “You’re really in love with me? …why?”

Poppy lets out a laugh, unsure how to even _start._  She says, “I can tell you all the reasons I _don’t_  love you. I don’t love you because you’re smart or funny or because you give me butterflies. I don’t love you because you make the worst days that much easier. I don’t love you because you’re kind or fair or sharp or witty. I don’t love you because you’re the world’s most stubborn brat, and I don’t love you because you suck at Tic-Tac-Toe. I don’t love you because you take time to get to know me, because you go out of your way, because you make me feel like I’m the only one who matters. I don’t love you because you think plaid is dressing up, and I don’t love you because I can’t list _all_ the reasons why I do.”

“Why do you then?” Ellie asks. Her voice is thick with emotion. It catches when she repeats the question again. “ _Why_  do you then?”

“I love you because you’re _you._ I love you because you constantly amaze me. I love you because I’m always learning new things about you. Every day. I love you because that doesn’t bore me. It excites me. I _love_  learning all the bits and pieces and sides to you. I love you because you’ve become my best friend. I love you because you told me that you didn’t want to be friends outside of work and then _you_  broke that rule and asked me out for drinks. I love you _because_  it scares me to my very core that we might not have ever met. I love you _because_  I’m the luckiest person on earth for having met you.”

Ellie’s lips part. “Poppy–”

“Don’t. You don’t have to say anything. I–I tried to get over you. I went out on a couple dates with a girl, a date with a guy, and it didn’t matter. You surrounded me. You’ve seeped so deep into my life, I don’t think I can ever be rid of you.” Poppy takes a deep breath. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“Full Honesty?” Ellie asks.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think anyone’s loved me like that before.”

Poppy’s heart breaks a little more. She leans into Ellie’s shoulder and closes her eyes. It sucks. When she finally feels strong enough to open her eyes again, she watches a few tears fall into her orange juice.

Ellie takes her glass from her, placing it on the nightstand. When she turns back to Poppy, there’s something unreadable on her face. Ellie whispers, “Why did you sleep with me last night?”

“I was afraid I’d never get the opportunity to be with you ever again.”

“Poppy Day, you have been a huge pain in my ass. I remember your first day, you asked me ten thousand questions, and I could’ve killed you. It was so annoying. I don’t care if they were valid questions. Drove me insane. But I don’t want you to ever doubt how amazing you are.”

“Mmm?” Poppy says, looking up at her.

“You have this knack to make me laugh when I don’t want to,” Ellie whispers. She pulls Poppy’s hands into hers on her lap. “We’re constantly looking at each other during meetings or when other people talk. We don’t even have to _talk._  You already know what I’m thinking.”

Poppy nods.

“I’ve never met anyone who understood me so well. You’re so…affectionate.”

“And you’re not. That’s okay. We’ve found a happy medium, I think.”

Ellie agrees. “Yeah, we have. You’re obnoxious about how often you want to hug–”

“Hugs are important.”

“Why? What do they mean for you?”

Poppy smiles, because this is an easy answer for her. “Because I want you to know I care about you. Because I want you to remember you’re not alone. Besides, I like knowing you’ll give them to me but no one else.”

Ellie laughs now, some of the tension leaving the air. Bobbing her head, she says, “God, you’re fucking nuts. Did you know that?”

“I’m starting to think you _like_  it. Even if you didn’t want to admit it.”

“Poppy, I’m going to kiss you now.”

She had almost missed how they had started to lean into each other. Poppy smiles brightly when she murmurs, “Yeah, you do that.”

“I will.”

This time when Ellie’s lips touch Poppy’s, she feels a wave of hope wash over her. Ellie moves slowly when it comes to relationships, so Poppy wants to let her set the pace. Last night was a drunken mistake. But this time, when they fall back into the bed, it’s a sober decision.

“Fuck the consequences,” Ellie murmurs against Poppy’s lips.

“Mmm, fuck ‘em good,” Poppy says. Ellie snorts before she kisses her again. Poppy doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to this. Ellie’s lips. Her tongue. The way her fingers barely touch her skin when she trails them up and down Poppy’s stomach.

“Full Honesty.”

“Full Honesty,” Poppy echoes, leaning back to smile at Ellie.

“I’m not in love with you because I haven’t let myself.”

“And if you do?”

"I can list all the reasons I don’t love you, and narrow down the reasons I do to one.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re you.” Ellie’s lips are back on Poppy’s, effectively ending the conversation for a while.

* * *


End file.
